: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
