I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
