Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
