does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
