I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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