thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
