Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
