I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I believe in your delicious
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
