So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
