guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
