was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
