My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The uberlube is also flammable
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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