i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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