I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
