hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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