He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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