Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
