I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
