dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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