So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
