Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
