Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
