i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
