your parents love me but you hate me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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