Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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