Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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