Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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