totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
