this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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