I got chris browned last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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