Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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