She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
