hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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