Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
