I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Mom said you looked used
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
