Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
