im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just gargled with NyQuil
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
