Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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