Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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