so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
NoShamevember. You game?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
