So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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