Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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