So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is Oprah even human
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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