I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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