Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
