He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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