So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
