please come you make the beer taste better
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
