He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
