i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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