so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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