I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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