I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
